Sounds like a conversation to have before you get married, not after.  If he wanted to combine their finances, then yes, at that point, he is obligated to full disclosure. My wife and I got great advice from a psychologist – which should probably be its own blog post: Split expenses proportionately. That financial elephant standing in the middle of the room isn’t going to go away and burying your head in the sand isn’t going to fix the problem if you can’t talk honestly about money.  He died of loneliness. It’d be great if smthg similar happened here, but I don’t know if it will. If you're in a bad financial situation with a lot of debt or you seem to have a hard time sticking to a budget, the way you are approaching the issue may make your spouse feel like you blame them. She didn’t want to learn how to pay bills online.  I know he has some investments, and some money he has received from his wealthy mom, but I have no idea how much.  I also know he has a large sum of money due to an inheritance and an uncle who gives he and his brother money. When one spouse doesn’t want to participate in financial planning, it can be frustrating for both partners—and could cost you in the long run. If you need information that only your spouse can give, and your spouse ignores your requests to come clean with financial documents, you may have to ask the judge to hold him in contempt of court. They were high-earners but it still took several years to get back to a secure financial position; there was financial hardship in the meantime. Her parents were not the type to write checks. Â.  But then, I don’t think most men would either if the situation is reversed.  Doesn’t feel right. And, have a full legal accounting of anything of value that you are bringing to the table, so it isn’t considered an asset of the marriage. If he has significant assets and is aware of how current divorce laws heavily favor women regarding the awarding of ‘shared assets’, ‘community property’, or other asset designation (regardless of either parties actions that precipitated the divorce), he has very valid reasons to be concerned by the very real probability of financial devastation if/when she decides to bail on the marriage after any amount of time. We mostly split eating out because we make the same money. Vet the man on her own without his knowledge.  I am always using personal anecdotes to let others know that having critical thoughts about your partner are normal and that you don’t always “just know” when a relationship is right. More likely, itâs because you took a leap by sharing your salary, and he didnât share back. If Your Spouse Has More Debt Than You Think, Filing for Bankruptcy Without Your Spouse, Set a specific date and time for a discussion. You are strengthening the argument made by Evan. You can break the money into weekly amounts to make it easier to get used to. In addition, both spouses should have a list of the householdâs financial advisers: attorneys, insurance agents, financial planners and bankers. Should You and Your Spouse Have Joint or Separate Checking Accounts? We  had been dating for 4 years, lived together for almost two, and we were seriously in need of some home repairs, which he kept postponing  “because  our budget is very tight this month”, we would be sharing the costs for those, just as all of our living costs.  For example:  if I do “illegal”  drugs I have good reasons for “hiding” that and being “private” about it . The marriage lasted for less than two years. How can you say someone like that is smart? It might be a totally different reason, I really can not tell just based on the story.  If you are correct, the intelligent thing for him to do would be to sign a prenup that “what’s mine is mine, and what’s yours is yours”. If someone still can’t be honest in spite of a safe environment, they need time for inner reflection and possibly the relationship may need to end.
Sometimes it takes seeing the hard facts to wake someone up to the reality of the situation and help them get inspired to take action.  For sure some topics will reveal some differences of opinions and possibly trigger a conflict, hence the temptation to skip them, hope that what “naturally” comes up in dating/cohabiting is enough, and hope for the best… in the name of love. Forgot to include the video of the comedian.  That you might expect him to support you, financially if you find out that he’s wealthy? I think Evan’s right; there should’ve been some continual discussions about finances. Lets hope that she comes back to tell us what happens next.  Â. Jeremy & Danaris, yep I would have mentioned the prenup option but others already covered this and the reality is that prenup’s do not protect people and assets nearly as well as think they do (actually a much stronger legal entity is  a  trust, but  the  variance  of state laws and applicability to a marriage makes this a challenge). It’s more effective in the long-term to take the time to build solid foundations of compatibility, ability to compromize, conflict resolution, on top of love and commitment, or leave if such foundations can’t be properly created. But like so many others she focused way too much on her goal of getting married and skipped the essential screening part of dating. Now we are only one month away from our wedding, invitations sent and all arrangements already finalized, and we are very excited.  Â. If your spouse doesn’t feel involved in the process, maybe it’s time to start the process over and do it together as a team. Can a bank share a clientâs financial information with another person?   It’s not rocket science.  Women used to insist that Alimony was right and fair, even if the woman made enough money to support herself, but the man made a whole lot more.  To make things very simple, you may even consider switching to a cash budget. Once we decided that we had a future together and wanted to get married the question about money, who pays for what, how much we save and spend, any outstanding debts that needed to be paid like car loans etc,  was gone into without any hesitation. It’s easy to say that only men who are not successful don’t like that women care more about money, but the truth is, a lot of very successful men don’t like it either. The two most common ways that investigators obtain bank records or account information is through a source in the banking industry or through pretexting.  The wording makes me assume she moved into his place, though I suppose they may have gotten a new place together, but I don’t think so. A month before the wedding?? I agree.  So, it seems to me that he would want to try to protect those assets upfront. When people get married, the divorce rate and other people’s miserable endings shouldn’t have any influence. He’s losing his fiance. My parents have been married for over 50 years. I've been married for 18 years to a man who simply won't share, he doesn't like sharing finances with me.  Not sure what is so hard to understand about that. Does he have a will, what happens to the home or other properties? Blame makes your spouse feel defensive and less likely to participate in money discussions and stick to a budget. These personalities often feel that if they keep working hard, everything will just somehow work out.  The fact that he isn’t asking for a prenup, and is refusing to disclose personal information, makes me actually suspect the reverse.
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If they marry without him revealing the info she wants, she’ll forever resent and  be suspicious of  him. It seems very silly to waste years in a relationship only to find out the guy has very different financial values or is deep in debt or has nothing for retirement, etc. The truth is, financial success comes when you make a solid plan and stick to it. At any rate, I think his parents are pretty generous. Lesson learned, cut your losses and get out before you seal the deal.
Tell me what lawyer can say “he doesn’t owe her alimony b/c she doesn’t know how much he makes.” Â, Evan, you are a fair guy and let folks have their say, but I don’t know how you do it some days.  Is he the owner of that home? To clarify â I donât think you have to blurt out everything youâve ever done to your partner – if he was in prison for drug dealing in college and he wanted to keep it a secret, he could. Although pretexting does have legitimate an⦠A divorce will force you to reveal that information : ) This article provides readers with tips on how to handle a spouse who won't divulge financial information. He turned insults toward me to defend himself. If he sees a gold-digger where there is none, the problem is on him not on you! Through this process, you may be able to get them on board with a monthly budget discussion and a financial plan. If you are considering divorce, think of it in these terms: he could be held liable for ⦠If your partner does not provide you with free access to your money, this is a ⦠I don’t need to defend our happiness or our choices. Â. Malcolm…  I would say that is you are doing illegal drugs, that would be something that you should disclose to your partner as well. This category only includes cookies that ensures basic functionalities and security features of the website. Â.  So in terms of disclosures and gifts, if his parents offer they don’t turn it down (so they tend to get sent or taken on pretty nice holidays by his parents), but when figuring out what home to buy, she only factored in what she earned (he had actually gone back to grad school at the time).  How can you have true intimacy? That way, when the money is gone, both you and your spouse have to stop spending. If the situation is too tense, consider sitting down with a third party who can mediate and help you both remain calm and focused. But we can talk about these things and know that we have something special. Â. It’s a tricky scenario, and i think many of us would be curious as to how things turn out. I as well take the approach of honoring my husband, and our financial arrangement is similar to yours, check writing, disparity in contribution, me making a little more, etc. Ask your spouse if they would like a more active role in the budgeting and planning.  He also wouldn’t give me a key to his apartment before we married (we didn’t live together until after the wedding). What assets, insurance policies are there, where are the accounts and what’s in them? Him having bankrolled all of the pressure off of you this were a very open person who every. S life spans are longer when coupled for a bank share a clientâs financial information with you.! 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Not because I ’ d be great if smthg similar happened here but!  she can have a car accident any negativity and allows you to work the!
